For the last two months I’ve been reading Crime and Punishment, by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. I’ve legitimately enjoyed the book whenever I’ve sat down to read it, but there is something about it that doesn’t quite grab my attention. I’ve struggled to sit down for very long stretches and just finish it out, and I can’t put my finger on why.
Occasionally, this blight hits me when reading a longer book. A few years ago I started reading Reamde, by Neal Stephenson. I got at least halfway through it, then just didn’t finish. I enjoyed the story. I felt engaged with the plot of the book, and invested in the characters. Yet I didn’t finish it. It wasn’t until over a year later, during my first road trip out to San Diego, that I managed to complete the book.
I wish I had a better idea of what caused this. What I do know is that upon completion of a book after such a time, I often have a very good reading binge. When I finished Reamde, I quickly made it through two other of Stephenson’s books, and got a few more things to read at Barnes and Noble. I never gave that sequence of events much thought, but this current issue with Crime and Punishment is on the forefront of my mind. I’m more committed. It is my year of focus, and I want to stick to that theme.
I know a partial cause of my current troubles is that I haven’t read very much “literature” over the past few years. I’ve read various historical fiction novels, or science fiction and the like. Thrilling tales with engaging characters, yet with some broader theme and discussion behind it. However, the sort of literature you’d read in an AP Literature class has evaded me for a while. So, reading a long, translated-from-Russian novel taking place (and written) in the 1860s is a readjustment for my brain.
But that is good. In the same way that engaging with programming again has been good for my brain. I want to remain as malleable as possible, so reading a mix of books, and working on a mix of projects will help me achieve that (I hope). I’ve always prided myself on being capable in many subjects, and how I handle my free time has shown me I still have no reason to be overly confident in my abilities. I need to remain focused if I want to achieve the goals I’ve set out.
The list of goals and projects keeps growing, but I know if I manage to remain focused I will surprise myself with how quickly I accomplish them. It will take me less than a day of lounging around and reading to finish up Crime and Punishment, I just need to allow myself that time. The battle rages on, I suppose.