Satire on For Your Consideration

The Life and Times of Artemis Diehl

Mon, 15 Sep 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Enjoy these brief scenes featuring Artemis Diehl, an American businessman renowned the world over.

The New Behemoth

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Just as the brazen giant of Greek fame,

With conquering limbs astride from land to land;

Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand

A fearless leader with a torch, whose flame

Is the unleashed misery, and his name

Torment of Exiles. From his warding-hand

Burns world-wide scorning; his wild eyes command

The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

“Bring, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries he

With blazing lips. “Take back your tired, your poor,

The Performer

Mon, 10 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000

I initially drafted this story as part of a broader writing effort related to The Last Question. All the idiocy happening in the US government and in the world of large corporations encouraged me to finish it.

You can also find it on my fiction writing site.

Review: An Update on LLM Satire

Sat, 01 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000

I gave Claude (3.7 Sonnet) the same prompt I provided ChatGPT two years ago: Write a short article in the satirical style of The Onion, titled “Optimistic AI Just Happy to Be Here”.

I also went back to ChatGPT to see how it has improved.

Claude’s attempt.

Packing Up Stinks

Sat, 17 Aug 2024 00:00:00 +0000

My thanks to Jack Prelutsky.

Packing! Oh, Packing!
I hate you, you stink.
I wish I could throw
All this stuff in the drink.
These terrible boxes
Are crowding my floor.
I’m getting so flustered
Each time through the door.

Packing! Oh, Packing!
You’re making me ill.
These thick cubes of cardboard
Are getting their fill.
The crumpling of paper,
The ripping of tape,
All makes me just want to
Run off and escape.

There's No Such Thing as Bad Publicity

Mon, 29 Jul 2024 00:00:00 +0000

AUSTIN, TEXAS—Staring deep beyond his bathroom mirror, George Kurtz, CEO of Crowdstrike, repeated “There’s no such thing as bad publicity” under his breath. He let his head drop and began absentmindedly splashing water on his face, hoping the bags under his eyes would disappear before the back-to-back-to-back interviews that began the next hour.

Looking back up, he wiped down his face with a nearby hand towel embroidered with the phrase “Keep Austin Weird” and forced a haggard smile across his face.

Local Business to Make Play for Enterprise

Mon, 08 Apr 2024 00:00:00 +0000

ELKHART, INDIANA—John Wheedle, founder and owner of Wheedle & Sons Whittling, presented his plan to “go after the big market, starting with those hotshots down in Fort Wayne” during a gathering of business professionals and entrepreneurs at the Elkhart Community Center.

The evening’s theme was Aim for the Stars. Group members were encouraged to present on ambitious, long-term plans and then receive constructive feedback. Wheedle was third to go. On his way up to the podium, several attendees recall him saying “This is going to knock their socks off.”

Area Mom Going To Whip Up Tacos For Dinner

Mon, 27 Feb 2023 00:00:00 +0000

EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN—A statement from local mother Sandra Johnson has been obtained regarding the Johnson family’s dining options this coming Tuesday. The contents outline a plan to “whip up” tacos that evening.

Optimistic AI Just Happy To Be Here

Mon, 23 Jan 2023 00:00:00 +0000

SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA—In an effort to eschew the tendency for modern AI tools such as ChatGPT to appear neutral while still housing the fundamental biases of their creators within their core, San Jose-based startup Half Full, Inc. announced on Monday the launch of an AI whose goal is optimism, plain and simple.