SEL

The tutoring organization I work with, Step Up, has focused heavily on the social and emotional learning (SEL) of the students in their program. To some extent, this is an expectation of any tutor who is also meant to be a role model. Just as with Big Brothers, Big Sisters, the goal is to improve the student’s outcomes in as many ways as we can; unsurprisingly, helping the student feel better about themselves and their place in the world can be a huge factor in their future success.

In my role as a volunteer lead of a pedagogy and curriculum team, we’ve landed on a few aspects of SEL that can be well-implemented by our tutors. In my experience, the easiest is simply relationship building. Ice-breakers and get-to-know-you games keep the student engaged, and helps them contextualize their tutor as a real person. This alone is an important progression in the lives of children: understanding that you are just one person among a world of people all living their independent lives when you aren’t around. Checking in on what you each did over the weekend is beyond idle conversation; it opens them up to new experiences and a broader understanding of those around them.

Of course we also directly address practical emotional introspection. Meditation, journaling, and breathing exercises all help students understand themselves a little better, and provide them with tools they can use more precisely in the future.

We’ve recently focused on goal-setting, and related concepts like habits. These are difficult ideas for many students, as is walking the line of discussing them in a practical manner while maintaining engagement. Many kids understand the general idea of an interest or passion. My student particularly loves drawing; it comes up a lot. But the very adult idea of establishing goals, and determining a structured path to achieve that goal, is uncomfortable and boring.¹There’s always a balance to be struck. It’s important to learn that disciplined, focused learning is the best way to achieve a goal. But, done poorly or at the wrong time or with the wrong skill, can ruin a child’s relationship with their interest. How many people do you know who took piano lessons and never touched a piano after school? The key is to start small, with goals that are somewhat inconsequential yet motivating.

In fact, this is the key to all aspects of SEL. The focus is on small steps throughout a journey with no end. As Step Up investigates established curricula for SEL, testing how to implement it with tutors, we have to acknowledge that SEL is not a solved problem. There isn’t a clean path to being an excellent person, and nobody who works in this field has “solved” the problem. We have our best ideas that seem to work, but the tutor must be vulnerable alongside the student, to show the student that they are always a work in progress; needing to improve their emotional wellbeing is not a failure. Tutors need to be partners in addressing their social and emotional needs, even if the student isn’t sufficiently aware of themselves to even know they have those needs.

A final thought: I have no clue if direct SEL instruction is better, or more efficient, than however I happened to learn about these topics. I was an introspective kid who kept a diary on-and-off throughout school. I went through a period at the start of adolescence where I had somewhat severe issues with motivation and frustration. I had anxiety surrounding friendships. I experienced many of the trials and tribulations young people have gone through for decades, probably centuries. I’m not sure how I learned to handle it all and become a much calmer person; maybe it was serendipitous conversations with an excellent person, a book or movie that nudged me in the right direction, or plain luck. It’s hard to tell whether I would have benefited from more direct instruction, because I maintain that most students take serious info from school very lightly. ²This is my main argument when people claim they should have been taught personal finance and other “practical” skills in school. There is no way any group of sixteen-year-old students were going to listen. But, I don’t think it can hurt. Hopefully it helps a few more people improve their relationships with others and themselves. For now, I’ll be the best model I can be, and that includes admitting that I need to get better.

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  There’s always a balance to be struck. It’s important to learn that disciplined, focused learning is the best way to achieve a goal. But, done poorly or at the wrong time or with the wrong skill, can ruin a child’s relationship with their interest. How many people do you know who took piano lessons and never touched a piano after school?
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  This is my main argument when people claim they should have been taught personal finance and other “practical” skills in school. There is no way any group of sixteen-year-old students were going to listen.