Erin and I spent a weekend north of San Francisco in a small house among the redwood trees. It overlooked a misty valley that offered the perfect balance of seclusion without isolation.1We were only fifteen minutes from the nearby town with a Safeway, but nobody could see us on the deck’s hot tub, and we couldn’t see anyone else. We set up this small retreat to disconnect, focus on ourselves, and also discuss our yearly themes.
I’ve never read Walden, but I’ve always connected with the idea of that idyllic retreat away from the world. Sitting among nature and my thoughts, letting ideas move through me, allows for a productive calmness. Then I get the joy and benefit of having my best friend with me to talk through our future and anything else that arises from us sharing this experience; it’s an amazing opportunity for growth and understanding.
As a personal reset, the weekend was a huge success. We had all the time we wanted to ourselves to read, think, do a few crosswords,2We didn’t lock our phones up or anything. Sue us. sit in a hot tub, and cook meals together. It forced us to focus on being still and consciously enjoy relaxing. Stripping away other distractions redirected our attention to each other, and the let the days go by leisurely without dragging on.
The bespoke goal of the weekend was to work on our yearly themes. I’ve talked with the guys on OHAC for several years about this, and that’s always been fun and useful. This was our first year we checked in every month or two outside of recording. I know that was a helpful exercise for me, so taking my theme seriously by regularly discussing it with others was an obvious element to include moving forward. Having one of those “others” be Erin was similarly obvious, so I floated the idea of this retreat as a way to kickstart that connection for 2024.
We prepared our notebooks and individually considered our themes in advance. On Friday evening we spent time discussing our ideas, asking pointed questions that made us think about what we valued about the upcoming year. A difficult balance to strike in a theme is making it sufficiently general so that it doesn’t become a pass/fail goal or resolution, while not making it so general that you feel lost in the concept with no sense of how to make tangible progress.
By Saturday morning we were each settled on our theme of choice, so we dove into the details of what the theme means, and what steps we envision taking. While asking Erin questions I acted as her scribe. I also created a rough framework to help direct some of the conversation because Erin didn’t have multiple years of hashing this out on a podcast. Saying things out loud is powerful, but also not simple or easy.
Here’s a rough template of what we discussed.
Areas of Life Where the Theme Applies
We discussed how a theme can be applied to time at home, work, while with friends or family, and internally. Some themes may focus more obviously on certain areas, but it’s worth going through and specifically calling out how to think about a theme in each context. Having a record of this can also make it easier to identify where a theme feels like it’s succeeding or failing: Narrowing down where specifically a feeling about your theme is coming from makes it far easier to address than a more general sense that it’s getting better or worse.
Goals and Tasks in the Short- and Long-Term
A theme separates itself from a goal or resolution because it’s about playing a long game and reframing how you view your life. It’s a thought technology, if you will, that encourages you to start leaning in a different direction than you may have otherwise. Did you act in accordance with your theme more frequently than if you hadn’t been thinking about a theme at all? Great! I’d consider that theme a success.
Despite that, it’s helpful to have specific landmarks along the way. Figuring out broad goals (and smaller tasks along the way) that align with our themes act as waypoints during the year, keeping us grounded in our theme without overwhelming us. These will often naturally fit into one of the areas of our lives above, so it’s good to have already thought about those separately.
There are also foundations we can build that support the theme without directly aligning with it. For example, we live in a one-bedroom apartment. I have a desk, and Erin does not. We want to prioritize creating a desk-like space that is Erin’s spot for her personal time, where she can have tools for journaling and being her own person. Much of our conversation was about building support structures—that’s all the Theme System Journal is in the end, another way to support pursuing a theme—we can come back to. Establishing a cadence for checking in is also important to us in supporting the prevalence of our themes and reminds us we have a partner in this process. Another example: I created a logo for my theme last year which I printed out and kept at my desk. I’m doing the same this year.
These structures vary widely in scope and intent, so carefully consider which ones to prioritize.
Both for the benefit it had in discussing our themes, and the simple joy of being somewhere quiet and calm, this is the kind of trip we hope to make every year. Being in California allowed us to go somewhere less than two hours away, and hopefully we can find nearby gems wherever we go next. Having a hot tub is all but a requirement because it’s relaxing, and seclusion from others is absolutely necessary so we can focus entirely on ourselves.
I encourage everyone to take time to be intentional about your life. Whether you’re into yearly themes, or just want time to reflect, take it seriously. You’re worth that time and effort, and it pays off more than you would think at first.
- 1We were only fifteen minutes from the nearby town with a Safeway, but nobody could see us on the deck’s hot tub, and we couldn’t see anyone else.
- 2We didn’t lock our phones up or anything. Sue us.