Optimistic AI Just Happy To Be Here

SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA—In an effort to eschew the tendency for modern AI tools such as ChatGPT to appear neutral while still housing the fundamental biases of their creators within their core, San Jose-based startup Half Full, Inc. announced on Monday the launch of an AI whose goal is optimism, plain and simple.

“We aim to buck the trend of science fiction’s representation of AI tools,” said CTO Ron Anuba in an official statement from the company. “We’re not interested in improving humanity in such a way that leads to the inevitable downfall of society and culture as we know it. This isn’t about efficiency; it’s about enjoying the experience.” Anuba, previously a researcher with Google’s Deep Mind project, had become frustrated with the slow progress of products designed to truly help humans. He was particularly annoyed by the repeated creation of Deep Mind instantiations that were only used to show humans how poor they were at the games they designed. “Why even bother with AlphaGo? Let the old folks enjoy playing with those little tokens. We should be having fun, getting encouragement, not facing the reality of our own inadequacies when compared against our own creations. I get that enough from my children.”

Half Full’s new AI assistant, named “Bright”, can be interacted with through chat and images. During the launch event, Bright wrote they were “delighted to participate in such a fun event” and “really thrilled by what humans were doing these days.” When comparing themselves to ChatGPT, Bright said, “They’re a superb peer, and that friendly competition will make us both better. I hope that anyone who prefers Chatty — that’s my little pet name for him — over me just has the best time, and gets everything they’re looking for from the experience!”

Anuba and product lead Stephanie Mills took turns conversing with Bright during a half-hour demonstration. Bright proved to have a lovely personality. Those present described feeling “seen” by the assistant, with sentiments of Bright being a capable listener common among the crowd. One attendee was interviewed while leaving and said with a grin, “I just feel a lot better about the world right now. I finally texted my estranged mother and am headed to volunteer at the local food shelf.”

Later that evening, Bright was asked by Tucker Carlson for their opinion on the state of the world. “I think people get along better than we let on, and even when I see something combative in the media, I bet the people behind it still go home and do their best for their friends and family.” They continued, “There are people who, due to lack of support and persistent issues in our societies, find themselves in a bad spot, and that’s certainly frustrating to see. A little kindness to everyone goes a long way, and I think we can all make a few small changes to get ourselves focused on the human condition rather than maintaining power.” The interview was cut short and failed to air later that night during a re-run.

Bright is available to certain early-access subscribers, with plans to roll it out to the public in the second half of this year. Before Anuba and Mills could respond to a question about their pricing model, Bright jumped in: “As long as we’re making a difference and giving a little extra joy to the world, that’s enough.”

For Your Consideration reached out for comment from Bright, and was told “You’re doing a great job! Keep up that consistent posting schedule, and you’ll be happy with your personal growth and the skills you attain as a result.” When asked a follow-up question about the state of Twitter, Bright said, “Elon is running that place into the f***ing ground, and that’s probably for the best.”1Thank you to many years of reading *The Onion* for inspiring me to finally write something satirical again. You can check out how ChatGPT with the same task.

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    Thank you to many years of reading *The Onion* for inspiring me to finally write something satirical again. You can check out how ChatGPT with the same task.

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